But Connie… Germany can’t be perfect! You must miss home? Yes, of course I do and no… Germany is not perfect. And so in the name of unbiased journalism, please find listed below a few things that Germany is definitely doing wrong…
This applies not only to driving, but also walking and cycling. There are so many faults here. Number one: Nobody knows how the pedestrian crossing button works. The big hand is just a light, not a button, so nothing happens when you press it. There is sometimes a round button underneath the box, but often this doesn’t move and besides I’m pretty sure it’s for the blind.
How do I know that nobody understands how they work? I’ve asked and I see Berliners everyday sort of throwing their hands at these boxes in the hope that something will happen… it never does. You just stand and wait for the green light.
… You then begin to cross the road, BUT THE CARS DON’T STOP. Cars and people are given the green light at the same time, and you just have to rely on the courtesy of the man behind the wheel as you cross main roads.
I’m just going to say it now. Many of these things are points that GB just does really well. Fish and chips however is not one of them. Fact: Germany is unable to produce satisfactory fish and chips.
You’d think that somewhere called ‘Klässig’s FISH&CHIPS’ would produce a decent cod and pommes. Unfortunately what I received was a BREADED box of fish balls and greasy, damp skinny fries. Plus when they ask if you want tartar, what they mean in minty yoghurt, not tartar (just FYI).
This is what fish and chips should look like…
The underground here functions on a trust system. That means that there are no barriers and rarely patrols. As useful as this can be at 3am when you’re wasted with no money and just want to get home, it means that people just don’t pay for the tube.
I can only assume that this is why the underground in Berlin looks straight out of the 60s. Maybe if they introduced barriers, they could update it a bit? Regardless it seems to work for everyone, and the tube is actually great, until non-uniform patrollers block the doors and demand to see your ticket. If I could just tap my oyster, we wouldn’t have this problem.
So there I am panicked and sifting through my bag full of crap for a ticket, which I actually did buy this time, and this man is glaring at me in the corner of a carriage and it’s all a bit much. We get off the train, I finally find my ticket and just burst into tears because this was all so stressful.
So quite frankly the tube can take a hike… this is why I walk to work.
Unless it’s cold and we’re getting to the club ✌️
Cross a road in UK, people move to navigate each other in a stressed, but efficient and polite manner. In Germany, the man opposite you will inevitably hold his ground and block you in the middle of a busy road with oncoming traffic (as previously discussed) and a mother with a stroller will stop at the edge of the pavement, leaving you exposed to the maniac cyclists that plague the edges of pavement.
People will stand dead still regularly as they get off an escalator. People with bikes will occupy the entire doorway of the tube on the phone to someone, stopping anyone else from using that door… Just a few examples that I experience on a daily basis.
Rice is expensive and white (unless you go to a Bio shop). Basically they don’t have Indian shops and that’s a real issue for me. In the supermarket, I can purchase ‘indian hot (5/5 chilies)’ curry powder and my food will come out at a korma level at best. To bring anything even close to par I have to add in half a tonne of chilli flakes to each and every meal I create.
My stash from home
Cigarettes are sold like candy here. You can buy them from vending machines. They litter the ‘impulse buy’ boxes at tills. There are full colour, billboard adverts outside schools where I live for ‘American Spirit’ tobacco. Not to mention the glass doors that split all restaurants in two, one room for smokers and one for everyone else. It’s like a national sport.
I thought I could bake, but then I came to Germany. There is no such thing a self-raising flour here. That means you have to add your own raising agent to white four, and when your English brain see’s ‘1T’ of baking powder and throws in a tablespoon (means teaspoon), it makes for some interesting birthday cakes.
Ingredients are just different here. Maybe that makes me wrong for saying that Germany do it wrong, because I agree, it is just different. None the less I’m in a winey mood and shall keep it on the list.
Black tea isn’t English breakfast tea. It’s a lie. I don’t know what Yorkshire Tea do to their black tea that makes it so magical, but whatever it is, Germany could learn a thing or two from them.
Salami, bread and cheese does not constitute a breakfast. It’s immoral quite frankly. Where are the beans? The white toast? The eggs, sausages and ketchup?
After my latest experiences of Berlin at New Year (post on its way) I can safely say that firework safety is not something that is drilled into children here like it is in the UK. Walking home from Brandenburg Tor, we were shot at by children with explosives, accompanied by their parents who were following suit. Absolute chaos. Never again!
Before all the madness